Just

I said something today that I never thought I'd hear myself say: "I just have to walk 3 miles this morning."

Last week it was more like, "Somehow I have to get 2 miles in before my first meeting." But after that 6 mile hike on Saturday? The word 'just' slipped in. Quiet, subtle, practically unnoticed.

What's more? When I got back to the car after finishing the 3 miles, I wasn't even winded. Now, granted it took me an hour to finish, so I have to step up the pace if I'm to finish within the allotted time. But right now, I'm feeling a smidge of accomplishment.

I need to find a new way to stretch, too. Because for the first mile? My shins ache. Like whimper with every step, want to sit down on the sidewalk and call for a ride home ache. A work colleague suggested that I extend one leg and slowly spell out the entire alphabet in the air with my foot to work out those muscles. I tried that while on a conference call earlier -- lemme tell you, 26 letters is a lot when your muscles are already weary. But I can see how it would help stretch out and strengthen those muscles.

I think I may just start out slow. After the first mile, my legs feel warm and I can walk faster. Everyone will leave me in the dust at the start of the marathon, I know it. But maybe the old Tortoise and the Hare parable will work in my favor....

This week's training schedule is 'just' (see, there it is again) 3 miles on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Coming up in a couple weeks, though, we have an 8 mile walk. We'll need to start thinking of paths that won't take us too far away from civilization, for these longer walks. When we walk together, we have to think about things like distance from bathroom to bathroom, what to eat before the walk (not just for energy), how much to drink, all of that. When I'm alone, I can forget about that.  My speed and endurance are all I have to concentrate on.

Well, that and how much my legs hurt.

But Mark can never forget. And oddly, that keeps me in check. Keeps me remembering. Keeps me thinking that for me it's 'just' sore muscles. It's 'just' fatigue. It's 'just' for now. When the walk is done, I can recover. But his Crohn's is never going away. And so, I'll whimper for a little while, but then keep walking.

-- Amanda